Parisa's Blog

5 days in Andalucía

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:29:00 +0000

I've been doing lots of traveling in the past year, and very little writing about it. It's not like I've ever been a heavy writer (or worse, a real Blogger), but I'm disappointed I haven't written more down. It's actually been a pretty exciting last few months travel-wise, and my everyday life has already clouded a lot of the memories. It's mostly that I'm lazy, but it's also overwhelming to write up a trip summary that is interesting and comprehensive, and short of that, it does injustice to the whole trip. I take pictures and sometimes update my web 2.0 status, but since I blog so infrequently, the standards for content are higher. And by now, you've perhaps noticed the classic signs of maladaptive perfectionism. So I've decided to address this, pop some anti-perfectionist pills (also known as M&Ms), set my standards lower, and jot down some highlights from a recent 5-day trip I took to Andalucía, the southernmost region of Spain.

It all began in an email from Dawn last November, with something like "Hey, we're coming to visit you in Zurich in January. Let's visit somewhere else too!" Now, January isn't typically high tourist season for Europe unless you're looking to have fun in the snow, but this time worked for me and it worked for her, so we were determined to make the best of it. After going through a long list of places, we picked a target of southern Spain, which we calculated as having some probability greater than zero of warmth and sun.

Dawn and Zac arrived in Zurich, we had an obligatory Swiss dinner of melted cheese, and then parted ways briefly as they went skiing with some friends of Zac's family. Loic and I went to Portugal for a weekend, and then we all met up in Seville.

Our schedule consisted of 2.5 days in Seville, 1 day trip to Cadiz from Seville, 1 full day in Granada, and then 1 day in Cordoba. This was enough time to hit all the "must-see" tourist destinations in each city and pretend we got a taste of Spain, but I could have easily spent a month in this region and still felt unsatisfied. Alas, I'm still working on accrued U.S. vacation time, and that means that I have to try and fit 25% of a country into 5 days. And this is entirely impossible, but I did leave with a few impressions:

Sin carne, sin pescado. Spain, like much of the rest of Europe, hasn't yet totally embraced the vegetarian diet. Most entrees have meat, and if a menu does have a non-meat section, it usually just means has some shrimp or chicken it. One evening, Dawn and I both ordered a salad with tuna. Being a vegeterian, she repeatedly asked for it "sin carne, sin pescado" (no meat, no fish), to the point we felt quite confident the waiter understood the message. Upon receiving the salad, we realized it was only a partial success. Instead of the palm-sized piece of tuna I had in my salad, she had just a few small pieces scattered in the salad, soo there was clearly an attempt at something less meaty going on. We were amused. Actually, I think it was just me that was amused. I can just imagine the kitchen trying to put together her order...

Cook: "What do you mean no meat or no fish? Are you sure she ordered that?"
Waiter: "Yes, she repeated this three times. I don't understand what it means either."
Cook: "Well, it sounds like she would want the salad without meat or fish, but that doesn't make sense. Who would want a meal without meat or fish?"
Waiter: "Yes, which is why I asked her to repeat. She just kept saying no meat and no fish. Maybe you can just give her this salad without putting any meat on it?"
Cook: "I can't give someone a salad with no meat at all! Here, put a little of this tuna on it."
Waiter: "Done!"

Oranges, oranges, everywhere. They really are everywhere. It's so cool to see orange and lemon trees sprouting like weeds. This is probably because I come from the Midwest, where only wizard gardeners could grow a citrus fruit tree (in warm and controlled captivity).

High-viscosity chocolate. Spanish hot chocolate is often a morning beverage with churros or warm drink during the day. It's actually not a drink at all, but a melted chocolate bar in a cup. It seems so wrong, but out of dedication to the full cultural experience, I drank it all. Happily.

Bull's tail. All my co-travelers were a bit squeamish at the thought of eating bull tail. I can't blame Dawn (again, diagnosed vegetarian), but I was excited. A matador can win the tail of a bull as a trophy if he is especially good (and the tail and both ears if he is excellent), so by some measure, a bull tail is kind of special. Anyways, it ended up tasting just like Ox tail, which is typical enough in Polish fare. And like Ox tails, yummy!

Rosemary scam. Every city has their scam, and in Seville, the most prominent scam that I saw was the rosemary scam. A gypsy woman will come to you and try to give you a sprig of rosemary for "suerte" (luck) or "un regalo" (a gift). If you take it, she might try to read your fortune, and then immediately expect some payment. She will get her payment, even if it means following you to an ATM to withdraw some cash. I didn't fall for this myself, but saw others left with a generic future forecast and no change to pay for it.

Flamenco and the flying button. We went to two Flamenco shows in Seville. The first was at La Carboneria, a dive bar with music and a free flamenco show performed by enthusiasts every night. The second show was by professionals (and thus, cost money) at Auditorio Alvarez Quintero. It was interesting to see both performances and compare. Though the second show was noticeably more polished, the intensity in the dancers and singers from both was mesmerizing. I couldn't stop looking at how tight and serious their facial expressions were and the control of their every dance move. Speaking of tight, the professional male dancer's shirt was two sizes too tight and mid-dance, his shirt started unbuttoning in what might be officially described as a churro-induced wardrobe malfunction. There was no way to recover gracefully. I felt guilty, but it was hilarious.

My pictures describe in more detail all of the impressive things I saw (and ate) on this trip. Finally, I'd like to take this sentence to thank Lonely Planet, which did an excellent job of planning our itineraries, Hostel World, which made it easy to find shelter, Mother Nature, for delivering unexpectedly sunny weather, and Loic, for being our free Spanish translation service throughout the trip.

As I photo

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:36:00 +0000

I slapped together a photography page for this site, which includes such boring details as what camera and lenses I have and where I put my photos. Perhaps of interest to someone besides me is a list of links I'm keeping of places on the web where you can do fun and quirky things to your photos. Using these requires no photography experience and the finished products make for great e-cards, friendly jokes, or profile photos.

Here is a start of the list; Please let me know if you know of others worth adding!

Metapixel: Make photo mosaics out of your photos.
Polaroid: Turn any photo into a polaroid.
BigHugeLabs Frames: Fun frames (e.g. postage stamp edge, brusted edge frame) for your photos.
Photofunia: Fun effects for your photos.
Shape Collage: Fun photo collages by my former Google colleague Vince!

Illegal Flower Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:27:00 +0000

"The Illegal Flower Tribute just might be the perfect framework through which to view the whole sorry episode. The battle lines can fairly be described as those who believe in the need for vigilant regulation of floral tributes versus those who do not." - New Yorker

Buy your shirt today!
Check out Damien's design too.

Mmm... French Food

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 17:06:00 +0000

I'm going to write about something very near and dear to my stomach. Back in October, I visited Montpellier and a handful of other cities in the South of France. One of the most memorable parts of the trip was the seemingly endless number of delicious treats I stuffed my face with. Now, I'm no foodie. I don't even know what a foodie is, but I'm sure I'm not one of them because I prefer the portions of food on my plate to be larger than a thimble and often ask for extra ketchup. I could easily subsist on a diet of nuts, berries, and greens, but all that said, I can still appreciate a good meal, and oh how I did in France.

The French have mastered the art of flavor, presentation, and the almighty power of cream. I don't have the words to describe the subtle perfection of each dish. It was as if someone in the kitchen was meticulously counting by hand and scale the portions of vegetable, grain, meat, and sauce to concoct the ideal mixture both by taste and amount for every single plate and person. The ironic thing is that I already know French cooking is not done by exact measure at all! Nothing was compensated for by extra cheese or hot pepper, nothing was overdone or thrown together, and nothing had a hint of staleness. Everything was simply delicious in a way that made you ashamed you couldn't cook the same way at home.

I was more focused on eating than snapping, but here is a small collage of some of the morsels I had the privelege of consuming:

Now, I actually love the variety of food offered in the bay area, so I don't want to go dissing California. Chicagoan food also has a special place in my part, even if it does compensate by adding extra cheese (in a deep dish crust). By contrast, I am openly disappointed by the number and price of food options in Zurich, so it's possible I was just in good-food-withdrawal, but I look back on my week in France as the closest I've gotten to gastronomic ecstasy. Let's see if Paris next week can top it.

The Fate of Roman

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:15:00 +0000

Work lunch with a bunch of other type A, strongly opinionated geeks often inspires heated discussion on a range of topics, from debating which one of us would be tastiest to eat to current events and politics. One that's been brought up a few times in the past two months is the fate of Roman Polanski, esteemed French and Polish film director (producer, writer, actor, etc.), who is currently holed up in Zurich after the U.S. made an extradition request to Switzerland for his return based on an outstanding warrant. More than 30 years ago, he drugged and raped a 13 year old girl in Los Angeles, California (assuming you believe her testimony). The story goes something like this:

"In March 1977, while on assignment for Vogue Hommes International to take pictures of adolescent girls, Roman Polanski was arrested for the sexual assault of Samantha Geimer, a thirteen-year-old girl hired for the photographic shoot. She testified that Polanski gave her a combination of champagne and quaaludes, a sedative drug and muscle relaxant, and despite repeated protests and being asked to stop, he performed oral sex, intercourse and sodomy upon her. In Roman, his 1984 autobiography, he insists the underage sex in the 1977 case was consensual although The Observer notes, "the victim's description has always suggested otherwise". A grand jury charged him with rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under fourteen, and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor. At his arraignment Polanski pleaded not guilty to all charges. In an effort to preserve her anonymity, Geimer's attorney arranged a plea bargain which Polanski accepted, and, under the terms, five of the initial charges were to be dismissed. He pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of engaging in unlawful sexual intercourse, a charge which is synonymous under Californian law with statutory rape. The judge received a probation report and psychiatric evaluation, both indicating that Polanski should not serve jail time, and in response the film maker was ordered to ninety days in prison in order to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. He was released after forty-two days. Despite expectations and recommendations that he would receive only probation at sentencing, the judge "suggested to Polanski's attorneys" that more jail time and possible deportation were in order. Upon learning of the judge's plans Polanski fled to France in February 1978 hours before he was to be formally sentenced. As a French citizen, he has been protected from extradition and has mostly lived in France, avoiding countries likely to extradite him. Because he fled prior to sentencing, all six of the original charges remain pending. Geimer sued Polanski in 1988, alleging sexual assault, intentional infliction of emotional distress and seduction. In 1993 Polanski agreed to pay her at least $500,000 as part of a civil settlement. Geimer and her lawyers confirmed the settlement was complete. In September 2009 Polanski was arrested by Swiss police because of his outstanding U.S. warrant when he entered the country to accept a Lifetime Achievement Award at theZurich Film Festival. His initial request for bail was refused noting the "high risk of flight" and his subsequent appeal was rejected by Switzerland's Federal Criminal Court."

And he remains in the Swiss courts today (November 24, 2009). The fact he was picked up in Zurich is the reason it's sparked lunch discussion, and the fact this originated in the US, he holds both French and Polish citizenship, and France ended up being a safe haven for him due to their extradition laws has kept it on the lunch discussion menu since these countries cover a large intersection of mine and my colleague's nationalities. That and it's also celebrity gossip, which is everyone's guilty pleasure.

I find this whole ordeal interesting for a few reasons. First, the extradition laws that made his escape successful highlight some limitations of the international judicial process. No state has any obligation to surrender alleged criminals to foreign states on the basis that each state has legal authority over its own citizens. This lack of obligation has resulted in many countries forming bilateral treaties of extradition under certain conditions. For example, most western countries won't extradite a citizen for a political crime or if the death penalty will be imposed on the alleged criminal, but will in cases where an alleged criminal has failed to fulfill dual criminality. France (and other countries, including Russia, Germany, Austria, Japan, China) have laws that forbid extraditing their citizens when living within country. The law makes sense, but becomes controversial in a case like this. I'm especially curious about what happened here as it seems the U.S. could have (or did) ask for Polanski to be tried for the same crime in France, but this either did not happen or could not for a reason I don't completely understand. We've explored a few possibilities at lunch, including inability to process due to double jeopardy, but I'd love to have an explanation as to what caused the deadlock situation if someone has one or can point me to a reference.

Second, the current stalemate and controversy is suspenseful. Polanski actually owned property in Switzerland and has visited often, so I'm curious why the U.S. chose to extradite him this time, or who initiated the process. A hugely disappointing aspect to me is the the outpouring of support for his release based on artistic accomplishment. I expect the media to play this part up for dramatic effect, just as they play up the fact the man has led an undeniably sad life (his mother dying at Auschwitz, himself escaping the Krakow Ghetto, and his second wife murdered by the Manson Family). Still, it turns out a bunch of people signed a petition to support his release based on his contributions to theatre. Since when do we publicly acknowledge it's acceptable to excuse the rich and famous from established law? We excuse them all the time, but usually come up with some decent excuses. In this case, statute of limitations might be one, or perhaps time served due to the days he spent in U.S. jail plus the time he's currently spending in Zurich. But he should be judged regardless of his accomplishments, however touching they might be.

Third, I'm simply curious how one flees a country while living under the Hollywood spotlight; maybe it's not that bright after all. Is it as simple as buying a plane ticket from Travelocity, boarding a plane, and making sure not to wear anything flashy? I wonder how I'd pull it off...

Finally, I've thought a bit about what I think is fair, independent of all applicable jurisdictions (which aim to be fair, but are usually bound by precedent and inefficient processes that sometimes muck up the result). I personally think he should have to return to the U.S., get a slap on the wrist for fleeing, and then be left alone to carry on his days. The victim already received reparations from a civil trial and has forgiven Polanski with wishes to just be left alone. Though the victim's sentiments aren't always taken into account, they should be in this case and the whole thing should just go away.

In the end, I suspect something like that will actually happen. The drama and circus will be over, Polanski will get his life back, the victim will regain her peace, and I'll find someone else to gossip about over spätzle.

Happy Halloween from Seoul

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:26:00 +0000

I'm on the last leg of my 5 week long trip around Asia, meaning I've been eating lots of rice, taking lots of pictures, and not blogging. I did manage to accidentally eat some pumpkin today at lunch and dinner; traditional Jeju food is characterized as having seafood, pumpkin, or both, and I'm currently on Jeju Island (Jejudo). Lots to upload and write about when I return to Zurich next week, but for now... ::burp::

Oh, except for one thing. I am hugely disappointed that after now having visited Japan, China, and South Korea (admittedly briefly), my score on http://alllooksame.com/ has not improved at all since I last took it in college. Has anyone gotten a perfect score on this?

Cancer Oracle

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:44:00 +0000

I'm sick of the back and forth research headlines alarming something as a cause of cancer one day and promising it as a way to prevent it the next. No sooner have I finished reading some cancer alarm article than am I getting links to new evidence that indicates the opposite. Well, I'm tired of investing all that time reading, all that energy getting my hopes up, and all that time clicking!

Thankfully, now I have the cancer oracle.

L.A.M.E. Tweet

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:53:00 +0000

It has recently been brought to my attention that the recent quality of my blog has been pretty lame. Well friends, let the lameness continue.

Windy Day

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:11:00 +0000

Stuck in Frankfurt

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:50:00 +0000

There are few more demoralizing things than running as fast as you can through two large airport terminals (on a bad knee) to make a connecting flight departing in 25 minutes, speed through security and immigration, and arrive just in time to see your plane depart through the glass window. A plane that was apparently notified of your delayed arrival because both flights were run by the same airline.

One thing more depressing might be doing all that rushing and actually arriving 15 minutes before your plane departs, but being told they already sold your ticket.

I'm stuck in Frankfurt. See you tomorrow San Francisco.

Frenchify

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:53:00 +0000

I'm trying to learn French. It sounds cool, I know a bunch of words already, a fair number of people in Switzerland speak it, and I've always wished I had a language to accessorize better with my inflated ego. I'm currently taking the self-taught route, so I expect to be proficient enough to hold a 10 minute conversation with a French person in Zurich in 2 months. (I won't yet commit to which language we'll speak in.)

In the meantime, I decided to write a short script that can Frenchify my English to help keep me motivated while learning. Check it out here.

Last Weekend in California

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Sat, 23 May 2009 19:57:00 +0000

In under a week, I'm moving to Zurich. Zurich is a city in Switzerland, which is a country in Europe. Those are the answers to the common questions I've gotten regarding my relocation plans. No, I'm not kidding.

Here are a few more answers to common questions:

I'm still going to be working at Google in my same position, and with the same team. Six (though soon to be five) of my most intelligent and devious team members, plus a handful of other security engineers, work in the Zurich office, so I will be in excellent company.
I don't speak German. Though standard German is taught in schools, in Zurich, they actually speak Zurich German, which is a dialect of Swiss German. Swiss German has its own pronunciation, many different words, its own grammar, and many native Germans have difficulty understanding it. Given that it's not a written language and only spoken in Switzerland, putting a lot of effort into learning it doesn't make a lot of economic sense. I do want to learn another language, so I'm trying to learn French, which is also a native language, spoken in many more places, and well, sounds prettier (more on this later). Luckily, English is spoken by many, so I should be fine regardless.
I still have lots of boring and important things to figure out, like finding an apartment and getting a phone, but I'll do it when I get out there.
The official plan is to return after a year, which is how long my work assignment lasts. A lot can happen in a year though, so anything is possible :)

And now, back to downsizing my worldly possessions and canceling utilities...

Tweet Tweet

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:22:00 +0000

On a January morning in 2008...

11:12 AM
Me: wtf twitter?
stop with the social networking.

11:26 AM
Steve: haha
why?!
it's so much fun

Well over a year later...

http://twitter.com/laparisa

Glass Marble Travel Magnets

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:35:00 +0000

I made some glass marble travel magnets. This is a really, really simple craft that can yield some fun results and serve as a gift or replacement to the free car insurance or portrait of your uncle Ted's family magnet that currently adorns your refrigerator door. You can use any small picture as a background (magazine clippings, photos, decorative paper) and then just trace out a circle, glue it to the back of a flat glass marble, attach a magnet, and you're done! The hardest step in the process for me was finding the larger sized clear glass marbles, but if you can't find them in a craft store, you can buy them online. I chose to print out Google Maps locations from some cities I've traveled to recently.

More specific directions if you want to duplicate here.

Horrible Horror

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 09:09:00 +0000

I just watched 1408, yet another movie adaptation from a Stephen King horror story. Sigh... why do I keep falling for Stephen King movie adaptations. I should know better by now!

When asked what my least favorite movie is, of all time, the first that comes to mind is It (technically a made for TV movie). I should have stopped after an early scene where It pulled a little kid into the sewer (admittedly creepy) because after that, it just turned into THREE hours of long, drawn out nonsense. Three hours of my life I'll never get back. Pet Semetary was actually not bad as a dark comedy, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't its intended genre; props for zombie cats though! And then there was Dreamcatcher. All I can really remember was that it was horrible and I assume my subconscious blocked out all of the details for self-protection.

Given how low my expectations were, it's amazing that I was still disappointed by 1408. It had John Cusack and Samuel Jackson, so I figured it must be decent, but no, 100% Grade A crap. If someone has a personal suggestion they think will change my opinion, I'd love to hear it. Until then, I'm done with Stephen King horror*.

On the other hand, if you're looking for some good slasher horror that I can recommend, check out these short videos of my knee surgery [1, 2, 3]. Mmm... flowy blood and tissue.

* Ok, Carrie wasn't horrible, but that was before I was even born. Also, I just noticed that The Green Mile was adapted from a Stephen King book, and I thought that was very good, but it's not horror, so my position stands.

As I Eat

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 04:20:00 +0000

A place where I will describe the food I make and eat and think you might enjoy too.

How To Make Love

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:56:00 +0000

"When the first man looked upon the first woman and was satisfied with her, that was when love began."

After reading the first sentence of How to Make Love by Hugh Morris (Copyright 1936), I knew I had, in my humble possession, the answers to one of life's most complicated and challenging mysteries. First, I should thank Leo, with much heartfelt gratitude, for sending me this modern look at love and how to attain it. The enlightening 32 page pamphlet has directly challenged some of the fallacies I have been blindly subscribing to for years. Not that I needed one, but here is yet another example of how feminist influences have poisoned my mind and led me astray from a truer and happier life. Thankfully, after studying HtML from cover to cover, I am now reformed and ready (to wait) for a perfect suitor to find me.

I've tried to paraphrase some the gems in my new bible for those not lucky enough to have a bedside copy, but I encourage you to also read the original (linked) text. My points are a horrible injustice to Morris's original words:

Basic foundation of love. There is only one kind of love and that's between a man and a woman. God made it this way and God doesn't mess up.
Women must be passive. The man is strong and was made this way. The woman is weak and was also made this way (cost cutting?). The man chases and the woman is meant to be chased. The success of love depends on this relationship and if the roles switch, it's ludicrous.
The first kiss. If she flinches, don't worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don't worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry and tries to get up from the sofa, don't worry. However, if she flinches, makes an outcry, a loud stentorian outcry ... and starts to scratch your face, then start to worry ... Such girls are not to be trifled with ... or kissed.
Intimacy in public places. Finger sex is fine, but don't get carried away at the theatre.

March Post... DONE

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:25:00 +0000

It's late on Sunday and I feel rushed. I'm feeling rushed for a number of reasons, so I've decided to tackle the least important, but easiest to address: it's almost April and I still haven't posted to my blog for March! As my most faithful readers know (Hi Googlebot!), I try to post once a month. Not because I have valuable insight to share or because it's therapeutic, but because I've now maintained that frequency for a few years and I'm afraid that if I stop, something catastrophic will happen. Maybe my liver will spontaneously explode. Or maybe some nameless obsessive compulsive reader depending on monthly blog readings won't be able to perform his ritual, will go psycho, and embark upon a mass shooting at a nearby donut shop. I know the likelihood of either of these is small, but the risk of having blood (or liver chunks) on my hands is too great to not put in the 10 minutes a month to post.

Unfortunately, (only) complaining about needing to post doesn't suffice as an actual post. My ego checked and tried to convince my super-ego this was a valid loop hole, but my super-ego is a stubborn bitch. So, I'll update you on a few of the larger things I've been doing in March.

First, I've been spending the last full month of my life being 25 years old. I'm turning 26 this Friday. I remember when I thought 25 was so old and now I'm going to be even older than that. One redeeming point is that back in January, Steve had actually (and accidentally) convinced me that I was 26. For a minute, I had accepted that age and made peace with it. Thankfully, I then recalculated that I was actually only 25, but knowing that I was OK with being 26, even if just for a minute, makes me confident I can do it again.

I've been seeing a lot of knee doctors. Two months ago, I tore the ACL and meniscus in my right knee playing soccer, so I'm going to have the ACL reconstructed (again) and meniscus cleaned up. I originally had this done in Chicago 10 years ago with the physician for the Chicago Bears. This time, I'm going to have surgery with the physician for the San Francisco 49ers. I don't even like football.

I've been making moving plans. I'm relocating to Zurich in late May and staying there for a year. The truth is, I've never been totally satisfied with my career in technology. After much personal reflection and with the guidance of some local truffle gurus, I've both accepted and embraced that my true calling in life is to spread the good word of Chocolate to people around the world. I will be taking an unpaid apprenticeship with Lindt to learn the craft from its highest practitioners and one day humbly embark on my own journey of making the world a sweeter and more cocoa-flavored place to live in. [Well, that's not completely true. I'm actually going to just be doing the same sort of security stuff I do now, but in Google Switzerland. But I'm sure I'll be frequenting local chocolate shops in Zurich, so I'm standing by some of that story.]

Other than that, I'm still not married, I'm not pregnant, and I haven't been diagnosed with any terminal illnesses. Three cheers!

Thinking about moving, surgery, and aging has put me in a weird and reflective mood. The past 6 months have been this confusing and stressful and eye opening and exciting time for me. I do feel like I'm entering into the next quarter of my life with some fresh perspective, a little bit more wisdom (we're talking milliliters here... see Europeans, I can do metric already!), and a lot of energy (to use toward something I'm sure I'll figure out soon). I have some small disappointment that I don't use this blog as more of a personal journal to share the deep and dark details of what all those bland adjectives describe in sentence #2, but it's easier and more appropriate to just frost my life's perspective with sarcasm and bad jokes, at least if I'm going to post it online. That said, thank you to the people in my life that are a sounding board to my insanity (whether you offer to or not), thank you to those that have been patient and understanding while I figure things out, and thank you to those that make me smile.

Thank you to those that make me smile... WTF? When did I start sounding like Hallmark? No, when did I start sounding like the cheap Walgreens version of Hallmark that retails for a $1 less because it's slightly more sappy (but on slightly worse quality cardboard). Oh, wait a minute... this yogurt I'm eating actually has an expiration date from last week. That whole "weird and reflective" feeling was probably just "weird and nauseous". You can disregard that whole last paragraph because I'm not standing by a word of it.

See you in April.

Your Queries

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:26:00 +0000

Pop Quiz: What do the following three items all have in common?

staying at tropicana and getting girl
rap group goes shopping and eats ice cream in a music video
traffic light hairdo

If you guessed they are all key elements in a low budget adult film, well, you might be right, but the answer I wanted was they're all recent search queries that landed people to my web site (full list of recent queries here). How do I know this? Google Analytics!

I don't consider myself a Google apologist, but I do think Analytics is a really cool (and free) service for people interested in visitor information. It's targeted to people that want to monetize user traffic, but it's fun for the recreational web author too. The most amusing data for me is the queries people searched for that resulted in them visiting my pages. So amusing, I thought they were worth sharing.

If you'd like to similarly post the queries people made that resulted in a visit from Analytics, you can try to reproduce either of the convoluted hacks I came up with. If not, now would be a perfect time to leave because it just gets more boring from here.

Unfortunately, Analytics doesn't have a nice API to access their data (yet). Despite that, there are two hacky ways you can automatically access the data for whatever post processing you'd like to do:

Method 1: Analytics has a feature to email reports of data in different formats (.pdf, XML, csv), and you can actually schedule these reports to be sent daily, weekly, or monthly. I created a monthly report that emailed a csv file of the top query keywords and then wrote a simple Python script that used IMAP to download and read the latest Analytics report and parse the csv. The script is here and could probably be easily tweaked to suit your needs. I ran into the problem of getting the scheduled report to reliably send all keywords, so I ended up coming up with and using the ever so slightly more reliable Method 2.

Method 2: I stumbled upon pyGAPI, which is a simple, yet very, very fragile API to access Analytics in Python. It handles authentication and report downloading via web requests and screen scraping. Analytics behavior had actually changed since this was written, so this didn't work as is, but adding the necessary web requests to get it to work wasn't very difficult. My patched version is here until the author updates his. The script I'm currently using to access and parse this data is here, and should also be easy to tweak. Note that pyGAPI is really fragile and once Analytics changes its request flow, things will probably break and need to be hacked back into shape.

The Python scripts above both come with my usual software quality assurance guarantee.^*

* The code worked for me at some point, but I didn't test it, think about design, or use any fancy safe coding techniques. I can make no guarantee that running it won't delete your hard drive or ruin your marriage (or both). Execute at your own risk.

Chicago Temperature Conversion

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:52:00 +0000

My brother, David, and I have an ongoing debate concerning which state of residence (Illinois and California) is superior. Well, it's not so much a debate, as that implies the fact California is better is even disputable, but every once in awhile he'll come up with a few redeemable qualities about living in Illinois or Chicago that he sends me. This was something he recently found and forwarded, which is pretty amusing (temperatures in C included for my non-American readers):

60°F (15°C): Arizonians shiver uncontrollably; people in Chicago are still sunbathing.

50°F (10°C): Californians try to turn on the heat; people in Chicago plant gardens.

40°F (4°C): Italian sports cars won't start; people in Chicago drive with the windows down.

32°F (0°C): Distilled water freezes; Lake Michigan water gets thicker.

20°F (-6°C): Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats; people in Chicago throw on a light jacket.

15°F (-9°C): People in Chicago have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0°F (-18°C): All the people in Phoenix die. Chicagoans close the windows.

-10°F (-23°C): Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in Chicago are selling cookies door to door.

-25°F (-32°C): Hollywood disintegrates; people in Chicago get out their winter coats.

-40°F (-40°C): Washington, DC runs out of hot air; people in Chicago let the dogs sleep indoors.

-100°F (-73°C): Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicagoans get frustrated because they can't start "da' car".

-460°F (-273°C): All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale); people in Chicago start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

-500°F (-295°C): Hell freezes over. The Cubs win the World Series.

Tips for the Traveler to Panama

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 06:48:00 +0000

I started my year off with an amazing trip to Panama with Steve, Mark, and Leo, our incredible hostess. We ate, they drank, and fun was had by all on the beaches, rocks, and streets of Panama. The details of the trip are pictorially documented, more or less, in my pictures of Boquete, David, Panama City, and Bocas del Toro (and a full trip recap is on Leo's blog). I won't divulge more about how awesome it was because that would be bragging. Just know that I was probably having more fun than you between January 2 and 11.

Anyways, I thought I'd scribble down some useful travel tips for anyone going to Panama:

On taxis... Bargain with those drivers! Most drivers will probably try and rip you off, especially if you are touristy looking. Ask how much it's going to cost up front ("Cuanto cuesto?") and than do your negotiating ("Aye senior! Yo soy un estudiante, no tengo mucho dinero!"). It should be about $20-30 from Tocumen to Albrook (a trip I made a few times) and most trips around the city should cost between $3-10. Everyone pays with cash and don't assume the driver will have change. If you don't have singles, make sure to ask if he does ("Tiene cambio?").

On flying within Panama... I flew Panama Air to get to David and Bocas del Toro. Aeroperlas is another airline that goes to these places, also from Albrook. They both have two flights a day to most destinations and both cost the same price. The only difference I could discern from them was that for Panama Air, you turn left at the Albrook entrance and for Aeroperlas, you turn right. I learned three important lessons from my trips with Panama Air:

You can't check in more than an hour before your flight, so it's not worth showing up much earlier than that.
Their website says they enforce a 25lb limit per passenger for checked luggage, but this was not enforced for me on either trip.
You have to pay for your ticket 24 hours before it takes off, regardless of what they tell you on the phone or what confirmation proof you have :) I had reserved a flight online 48 hours before flight and it never asked for payment. Leo called the airlines and they said everything was fine, I could pay the day of, and gave me a confirmation number. When I went to pay before my flight, they said it was too late and I lost the right to my ticket. So make sure to pay for it however possible!

On bugs... bring bug spray. No seriously, bring bug spray. Actually, I survived Panama City, David, and Boquete without much problems, but I got eaten alive on the beaches of Bocas del Toro. I didn't get any vaccines before going to Panama, but it's probably not a bad idea. I personally didn't see any bugs that were especially strange or frightening, but we did come across some XL grasshoppers and spiders.

On food... so much to eat, so little time. First, Leo's parents are wizards in the kitchen. Juan is a chef and Lilian is the quintessential mom-cook, so we all ate like royalty during our time in Boquete (Venezuelan specialties, American desserts, and other deliciousness I didn't capture in photos). I could dedicate a whole post to food, but I'd rather spend time making or eating it than writing about it, so I'll just mention three favorites:

Raspado. I dare you to find or make something as refreshing and cheap ($0.33) as raspado. It's like a snow cone, but with better flavor (e.g. real coconut juice compared to red dye #9 and sugar) and condensed milk and honey drizzle (evil... maybe, delicious... yes!).
Ceviche. In the states, you can typically find shrimp ceviche, but I had all kinds of delicious ceviche around Panama (fish, squid, whatever). You can get awesome ceviche for $1-2 at the fish market (El Mercado de Mariscos) in Panama City. You can also pick a fish and bring it upstairs to a restaurant where they will cook it however you want.
Beach food. When I think beach food in the States, I think crappy hot dogs and Good Humor bars. I was very pleasantly surprised at the beach food in Boquete. Delicious and fresh fried fish (cajun rub, not deep fried breading) and patacones.

On holidays... January 9th is Martyr's Day in Panama, which commemorates the 1964 riots over sovereignty of the Panama Canal Zone. The history of the canal is pretty interesting, so I'd recommend visiting the Canal Museum if you do pay a trip to the locks in Panama City. Worth noting for the boozers, most stores and restaurants will not sell alcohol to anyone on Martyr's Day (at least in Bocas del Toro). So if you are a big drinker, plan your vacation and binge purchases wisely.

On rock climbing... If you are into rock climbing, you can get a little sport route fix in Boquete. The sport it totally new to the country, but Cesar and Marcos of Boquete Climbing will take you out for a day. I've never seen rock anything like the Gunko in the States, so it's worth a visit just to check it out.

On gentlemen... Men of Panama can be very friendly. If you are a woman and not feeling as social as they are on the streets, "No jodas" should work (thanks to Leo for the tip ;)

2008 Mods

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:30:00 +0000

Another year of glue gun burns and paint fumes comes to an end. Here are some mods from 2008:

La Sportiva Tigre. Nothing here outside of the addition of some Sharpie tiger stripes to the classic Cliff shoe. A surprising number of people asked me about the shoe though (what model, where I got them, etc.). I think I should start offering custom climbing shoe art.

Mazda Pi. Mmmm... pi! My first attempt at a car mod. Oh yes, I'm that cool.

iPod wallet. I had a dead iPod whose life could not be resurrected for a reasonable price. I gutted it and made its body into a useful fashion accessory (essentially, a normal iPod).

Here's hoping 2009 yields something more useful!

On Broken Records

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 07:03:00 +0000

Queen of the Bongo: You're one of my favorite records in the world :-)
Queen of the Bongo: Your record is a Linkin Park inspired techno remix folk album written by Bob Dylan and interpreted by Enya. Which is as cool and crazy as it gets, never gets boring.

Career Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:36:00 +0000

My first business card. Now I feel official and old (and royal).

WIRED Yellow Photo Contest

noreply@blogger.com (Parisa) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:51:00 +0000

Steve won a WIRED photo contest recently, and I had one of those, "If he can do it, I can do it" moments and decided to submit a photo myself for the following WIRED photo contest (contest assignment: Yellow). Well, the masses have spoken and a photo I took of a random alley in Krakow ended up in the Top 10 Photos, as determined by user votes. Just goes to show you democracy is flawed :)